Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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