Can i not drive my cunt home
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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