I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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