did you get engaged???
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
