part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
