Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
