Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize