then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
