apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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