I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
