Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
