I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize