i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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