He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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