I bet he comes in French.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
