Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
50% drunk capacity currently
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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