I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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