I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
