im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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