I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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