my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
