I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
