So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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