Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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