she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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