super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
