I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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