The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
