Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
