And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
