omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
