love makes seman taste better
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
