my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
