I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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