ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
