i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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