I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
