a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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