Need sex. Gaining weight.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
