The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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