In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I cockslap morals
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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