I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
