strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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