if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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