I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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