he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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