I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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