I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
