Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
