So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
