peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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