Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
