I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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