I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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