My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
