apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
