If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you never un-have a 4some
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
