All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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