there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
