how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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