Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My feet surprised me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
