nut hugger
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
