So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
