i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
