you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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