am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
