Whod you bang
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
