im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
