i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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