i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
