What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
