so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
