ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
