either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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