To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
