I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
