I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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