good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
