Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
