Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
