everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
