There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
