Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
