Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So squirting runs in the family.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
