And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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