Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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