I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
