I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
